Forget Goals…Trust the Process Instead

Another New Year is around the corner.  Of course that means you’ll likely be receiving multiple blogs and posts about goal setting and resolutions.  The gyms will be crowded for the next few weeks.  Many diets and financial goals will be started.  Then, usually in about a month, things start to come back to pre-January levels.  Am I right?

I used to think I was a big goal person but I’m not so sure anymore.  If I’m honest, I historically have struggled to meet any of the very specific goals I have put down for myself.   I never seem to reach them and usually end up just giving up.  Remember how our goals are supposed to be S.M.A.R.T?   Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely.   It sounds so easy, right?  But for me it just never works.  I can have all the best intentions but as soon as I get too focused on the end result or product I’m already on my way to halting any movement.

Now what HAS worked for me is putting in effective rituals and processes both one day at a time and one week at a time.   I actually think this is exactly what 12-step recovery teaches us.  Instead of focusing on the end product let’s be more aware of the actual process and stay in tune with that.  Create the right process and the results will come. 

This focus on process is what I have seen actually work time and time again both for myself and for my clients.  Instead of setting a goal of losing 20 pounds what if you would instead, one day at a time, focus on what healthy eating looks like.  Instead of setting a date when that book will be done…instead focus on how to schedule time each day and week to just write.   In recovery this is perfectly encapsulated by the phrase and mantra of One Day at a Time.  Recovery is constantly reminding me to stay focused on the present and to do what I can do for TODAY.  Tomorrow still doesn’t exist.   Do what today is asking of me and then when this 24 hours is wrapped up we get to wake up the next day and do it again. 

The problem is that many of us (particularly if we have an addictive personality) wants things NOW.  We don’t like to wait for the results.  Addiction in its essence is being able to change our mood and state immediately and whenever we want. But that just isn’t how the world works!  We need to cultivate and be patient and keep showing up.  Trusting the process for me means I’ll do what today entails and trust that the positive outcomes will present themselves in due time.

For example, newer members to recovery are not encouraged to evaluate and assess every aspect of meetings.  “Hmmm…did I like that? Do I feel better? That lead was long…John talks too much, etc, etc.” You just show up and do the work.  Stop analyzing it all – just stay in tuned with the process and let go of the actual outcome for now. 

I’m not saying the outcome or product isn’t important – of course it is!  But staying too focused on that can take us out of the present moment, kick in procrastination or even initiate a shame response because we keep putting off “until tomorrow.” 

So my encouragement then for any of you that struggle with goals….starting January 1st focus instead on processes.  For me I might just choose 2-3 areas of my life and find a smaller, daily ritual that I can put in place for that.  Think daily and small, not big and years!  This creates what our Onsite Workshops friends call the 2 degree shift and a 2 degree shift over enough time creates a pretty big result.  Trust that.

Happy New Year everyone!